so there, sheena

apparently, and i am a little surprised, joss whedon's new sci fi epic, Serenity, is actually reall good!
i mean, it might be hyperbole, but the yahoo movie review said it was better than star wars. now, i think they were talking about the new star wars and, let's be honest, pretty much anything is better than the new star wars.

watching my cat crap over the edge of the litter box was better than star wars.

for serious.

Intelligent Design, part 2

Day 3:
"Just to make everyone happy," said the Lord God, "today I'm thinking oceans, for contrast."
"It's wet, it's deep, yet it's frothy; it's design without dogma," said Buddha, approvingly.
"Now, there's movement," agreed Allah. "It's not just 'Hi, I'm a planet - no splashing.'"
"But are those ice caps?" inquired Thor. "Is this a coherent vision, or a highball?"
"I can do ice caps if I want to," sniffed the Lord God.
"It's about a mood," said the Angel Moroni, supportively.
"Thank you," said the Lord God.

Intelligent design by Paul Rudnick

This is from The New Yorker, and i thought i'd post it in installments because it's long, but it's hilarious...

Day 1:
And the Lord God said, "Let there be light," and lo, there was light. But then the Lord God said, "Wait, what if I make it a sort of rosy, sunset-at-the-beach, filtered half-light, so that everything else I design will look younger?"
"I'm loving that," said Buddha. "It's new."
"You should design a restaurant," added Allah.

Day 2:
"Today," the Lord God said, "let's do land." And lo, there was land.
"Well, it's really not just land," noted Vishnu. "You've got mountains and valleys and - is that lava?"
"it's not a single statement," said the Lord God. "I want it to say, 'Yes, this is land, but it's not afraid to ooze.'"
"It's really a backdrop, a sort of blank canvas," put in Apollo. "It's, like, minimalism, only with scale."
"But -- brown?" Buddha asked.
"Brown with infinite variations," said the Lord God. "Taupe, ochre, burnt umber - they're called earth tones."
"I wasn't criticizing," said Buddha. "I was just noticing."

and the third horseman is.....

Well HideeHo.

congrats, john bob. you got confirmed without answering one measly question about your views on things. you said you wouldn't rock the boat so many times people bought it.

i can't wait to see what happens next! will you rule in favor of anna nicole smith? will you crush all of our souls beneath the heel of your up-till-now hidden crazy conservative agenda? will you mandate teaching intelligent design in biology classes? will you torture and kill small cuddly animals? because, i'll be honest, you're a scary looking man. for serious. scary.

Things I learned in the Chemo Center

1) the receptionists at the chemo center don't like me.
2) if you wear a white coat in a chemo center, patients will flock like ... i don't know... flocking things.

3) Tom DeLay is in BIG trouble!

I'm not a Yankees fan, but...

This is where I work.

I was walking to the gym to pick up some paperwork for one of my studies, and I noticed a plaque on the ground. It was in the shape of home plate.

Apparently it marks the location of homeplate in Hilltop Park the home of the New York Highlanders (who became the Yankees in 1913).

That's pretty effing cool. Also, the Highlanders were originally from Baltimore.

8 meters of AWESOME!

This is a photo of a giant squid. YES! 8 meters long (that's 26 feet. 26 feet!!!!) that's bigger than my apartment! it's a squid!!

oh man, it's so good.

now why would this be worrisome??

Apparently there's a new kid's drink on the market. I would include a picture, but blogger is not cooperating this morning. anyway, it's called Spark, and is being pushed as a great way for kids as young as four to "jumpstart" their day. It comes in two formulas - one for ages 4 - 11 and one for teenagers. The younger formula contains as much caffeine as a CUP AND A HALF OF COFFEE! now, i can't even handle more than a cup of coffee (as Sheena can attest) because my hands start shaking and I go all twitchy.

how can it be ok to give a kid who is 4 years old that much caffeine?? doesn't caffeine stunt growth? won't it make them grow gills and webbed feet and turn into crazy hulk-like creatures??

i mean, i know we all want our kids to be super athletes and students and accomplish good things. but can't we do that after a bowl of cheerios? or wheaties? or even cocoa puffs? do we need to get kids addicted to caffeine at age 4? i don't think so. i think they'll get to it when they get to college and there's no need to start any earlier.

my mom got me hooked on the sweet stuff when i was in middleschool because she wanted a coffeshop buddy, (i don't blame you, mom, i revel in my addiction) but that was a nice, friendly, social reason to become addicted to caffeine. it wasn't a 7 year old gymnast who is chugging spark so that she can get through practice.

oh well. world is going to hell in a hand basket.

at least when i was growing up i knew that jolt cola was bad for me and drank it in secret.

and also this.

so this is the flying spaghetti monster game. it's pretty awesome.

may you be forever touched by his noodly appendage.

ok. here's something i can really get behind.

finally, a creation myth i can really get behind.

the flying spaghetti monster. part spaghetti, part meatball, all awesome.

i also enjoy the connection between global warming, hurricanes, and the decline of pirates.

another gem from my awesome boss.

and a very happy birthday, josh!

america might not be as dumb as i thought...

W.'s approval rating is at an all time low.
but it still begs the question - why are the 41% still supporting him? what stupid pills have they taken? how can we cut them off so that the country can stop being crazy?

it has come to my attention

that the baby-jesus-loving, shrimp-hating people i stole those two pictures from don't like remote linking (and are blaming the baby jesus and saying i made him cry). i'm sorry baby jesus. i didn't mean to make you cry. i've reposted both pictures. here. so there.
the one on the left was the first picture, and the one on the right is just a treat.

i just couldn't resist.

Death By Shrimp

well, after last night's "endless shrimp" adventure at red lobster, i'm not sure i can blame god.

i can still hear the shrimp talking to me. i'm just glad that i, unlike poor seth, didn't have to sit opposite a fresh direct ad of a shrimp the whole subway ride home. that might have put me over the edge.

as of this morning i can still here them twirling to freedom.

this is the most exciting thing i've seen all day!

September 19, 2005 is International Talk Like a Pirate Day!!

Oh man is that exciting. i love pirates. i'm going to talk like a friggin pirate all friggin day.
Click here to learn how to speak pirate.

well, it would probably beat roberts...

oh onion. how do i love thee? let me count the ways.

This week's cover article is about Bush nominating a prenatal Supreme Court Justice.
there's also one about Haliburton getting the bid to pry the gold fillings out of the New Orleans victims.

oh. my. god

w. writing a note to condi asking if he can go to the bathroom.

i shit you not.

March of the Crazies

Apparently the Christian right has latched onto the movie March of the Penguins as a new Passion of the Christ, claiming it promotes Christian values such as monogamy and lends credence to the theory of intelligent design.

Now, I saw March of the Penguins. It was a laser of cute to my heart. Penguins are ridiculous looking animals but man are they adorable. and the babies? good god. don't get me started.

Let's get some things straight about penguins. First of all, they are monogamous EACH SEASON. This means that, while they only mate once a season and raise whatever chick might result from that mating, they don't go back to the same partner the next year. They find someone new each year. This ensures the propagation of the group because there is more genetic diversity. So, does this mean that the Christian right would be ok with yearly monogamous relationships? I mean, we'd obviously have to have kids out of wedlock (or marry and divorce once a year) in order to maintain the genetic diversity, right? And hope that seagulls didn't eat our babies?

I think we might be anthropomorphizing these birds, and I don't think they like it.

A film professor at Boston college goes a bit farther. "You get a sense of these animals - following their natural instincts - are really exercising virtue that for humans would be quite admirable," he said. "I could see it as a statement on monogamy or condemnation of gay marriage or whatever the current agenda is."

WHAT?? It's a movie about birds! They follow the same path every year because they're migratory. All birds are migratory. That's just the way they've EVOLVED.

I just feel like I'm taking crazy pills is all.

if only i could be traded for two giraffes

This red panda was bought by the Jerusalem Biblical Zoo for $11,000 AND 2 (two) Giraffes. That is awesome. I never imagined zoos trading animals as if they were magic cards. or pogs. or something equally trade-able. If I had 2 (two) giraffes, though, I'm pretty sure I'd keep them. I'd trade a hippo for a red panda. or a liger.

we need some perspective here, people

I know that, because of the destruction and feelings of helplessness brought on by Katrina, we need to feel better about ourselves and the relief effort. but come on, people. a kitten?

i'm not saying i don't love kittens. i do. and, obviously, not loving kittens is down right unamerican. but can we focus the relief and rescue efforts on humans? how about the parents who've been separated from their kids? can we find those kids before we save a kitten?

or figure out how to avoid the environmental disaster that is to accompany the pumping of the floodwater into local lakes and the gulf?

i'm just sayin, is all.

if wishes and hopes were nuts and oats...

we'd all have a bowl of granola.

and this would be true. the forward in which i received this picture was titled "if you believe in the power of visualization..." and was sent to me by my boss. on whom i have a huge friend crush. huge.

also, i have a concussion.

and spent a good four hours in the ER here at new york presbyterian, where i saw nurses getting blood samples WITHOUT GLOVES ON!!! did NOT make me feel safe. not at all.

i have no response to this. apparently this woman is developing an anti-rape condom.

check it out

this is for you, sheena

ok. i know it's blurry. but oooooooohhhhhh kelly clarkson!

ah. that's better.

this picture makes me really happy. not that anchorman was a good movie. because it wasn't. i mean, it was like dumb and dumber in that it's funny in the retelling, but when you watch it you want to poke your own eyes out. except for the streetfight scene. and baxter.

anyway, i thought i would share the happiness with the nonexistent people who read this who aren't me. or sheena. and that's pretty much the same thing, let's be honest.