sweet sassy molassy

ok. so scientists have designed a computer (and a brain implant) that allows people to control computers/tv/radio/robot/whatever you want with your mind. YOUR MIND.

full story here.

i'm simultaneously really excited and scared a lot.

**update** ok, andy, i think i fixed it. links are hard.

h-e-l-p-!-!

help me!
my parents are coming on Friday night and I can't think of a place to eat for dinner.

Their hotel is on Rivington in the Lower East Side.
they refuse to give me a preference of cuisine. i am at a loss.

help!

who wears short shorts?

this is a Public Service Announcement:

Nair is burn-y, smells like rotten eggs, and tarnishes silver.

Sheena wasn't home yesterday to tell me "no" so i bought some nair (because the girl on the commercial wears short shorts and looks so happy and her legs are smooth) and tried it. and today i'm wearing pants because i have some pretty awesome chemical burns on my legs.

Lesson learned. burn-y = bad.

and how many hot dogs can YOU eat?

Oh how I love the four-day weekend! Friday, my boss surprised us by giving us Monday the third off in addition to Tuesday the fourth. Huzzah!! How did I spend my un-earned but very exciting day off, you may ask? Well, I spent three hours at the DMV getting a New York State drivers license, actually. It was pretty awesome.

Technically (according to Josh), you are supposed to get your license switched no more than 30 days after you move to a new state. I have been living in New York for three years now (if you don't count the four years of college, which I don't, as poughkeepsie is in a whole different country). So, I was pretty overdue. Now I just have to wait for my shiny new license to arrive in the mail.

Monday night saw a blow-out BBQ at chez Josh/Evonne/Deirdre/Katrin. This BBQ featured a Guac-Off (which yours truly won in a very tight race), a shotgunning contest (in which yours truly did not participate, but was splashed by from a distance), and very nice tofu hot dogs. Thanks, guys!

Tuesday, Seth and I rode our bikes (huzzah!!) to Coney Island to see the hot dog eating contest. Now i've done that once in my life, i never have to go back, right? Here's a picture of the winner.
Yeah, he ate pretty much 54 hot dogs (and buns) in 12 minutes, beating his own record of 53.5. The surprise was the guy who came in second place, Joey Chestnut, who went dog for dog with Kobayashi, even getting into the lead at about minute 6, but fell behind at the very end - finishing with a whopping 52 hot dogs. I could be wrong, but I think that's the closest anyone has come to Kobayashi in the last seven years he's won.

oh sweet face analyzer, why do you hate me?

Thanks to Josh, I have been spending the last half hour (i should be on my way home now) playing with the Face Analyzer, which is tons of fun. The first photo I uploaded was my spider bite photo. here it is, in case the image has not been burned into your retina and does not haunt your dreams. or in case you're bridget and in need of a giggle.
Scary, right? So, according to this photo and FaceAnalyzer.com, I am 92% Southern European (wrong)
8% Middle Eastern (wrong)
and my celebrity look-alike is Kelly Hu, who was Deathstrike in X-2 and is, yes, Asian. Also, apparently I have a "very low gay factor". thanks for that, guys.
my character type is a "beta academic" and apparently i am uninterested in, and bad at, relationships and social interactions. instead, i want to make lots of money.


so the next photo i used was this one:
Slightly better, but still not ideal. this time, however, they got more of it right. Now they claim that i'm 70% middle eastern (wrong) and 30% eastern european (now you're on the right track!). BUT my celeb look-alike is now Ashley Simpson. ummmm. yeah. i still have a "very low gay factor" and am still bad at social interaction. and, yes, i still want to make lots of money. at least some things stay the same, right?

Thank you josh.

**update** links are now fixed. who's the noob now??

bye bye, bruno.

This is very sad. Bruno has passed on. Boys, I'm very sorry for your loss.

Apparently, Bruno's chicken-killing rampage made everyone a little nervous, and the Bavarian government gave hunters the green light to get rid of him.

I like that the headline refers to him as "Bruno the celebrity bear".



picture respectfully borrowed from www.brunnvalla.ch

mellow velo

So, I went to the auto repair place under our apartment and asked the nice man at the air pump to, you guessed it, pump up the volume AND pump up the jams. (although i didn't actually use those words. i wanted him to actually pump up the tires, not call me crazy and kick me out of the garage).

Anyway, he was very nice and proceeded to pump up both the volume and the jams. but BUT when he got to the jams he said, "this looks bad. i don't think it'll hold. it looks like dry rot". i told him to go right ahead and try, because what did i have to lose? it turns out, he was right. i totally popped my tyre. (see? because the bike is british???)

he was exceedingly apologetic, which i found amusing because i'm the one who told him to blow up the tyre. at least i didn't have to go far to find a bike pump. if anyone is looking, the auto repair place on 14th and 4th ave is very accommodating.

hello velo ...or... let's pump up the volume, pump up the jams

Yesterday, as Sheena and I were returning from Lowe's with our curtains, magnetic paint, chalkboard paint, etc. (we have many projects in the works right now. our apartment is an exciting place), we passed a stoop sale on 5th ave. Now, i (and sheena as well) have been coveting a bike for quite some time. what i really wanted was an awesome old cruiser, onto which i could attach a basket and carry dogs or baguettes or cats or what have you.

And so, huzzah, as we passed the stoop sale, i saw an awesome old 3-speed cruiser (pictured to the left). i asked how much it cost, talked the guy down to an even $50, and took my new bike home! now all i need is to get a) a helmet because i will kill myself on this bike b) get a bike lock and c) i need to pump up the volume and pump up the jams. and by "volume" and "jams" i mean the front and back tires. of course.

so wish me luck, friends, on this new adventure. sheena and i will be zooming all over brooklyn now. we really need some streamers for the handles.

GENIUS!

so i have my ipod set to shuffle by album. and i'm currently listening to all of the greatest hits albums i have on shuffle. because they're all listed under "greatest hits".

so i am currently listening to a medly of cat stevens, the band, bob dylan, tom petty, and the cars.

it. is. awesome.

this is 168th street. have an incredible day.

As some of you may know, I had an incident with a spider bite a few years ago. Of course, as you can see to the left, the spider won. Similarly, I had an incident with a cold this past week. and I don't have a photo of it, but the cold definitely won. At some point during the weekend, I actually had mucus leaking out of my eyes. GROSS!

Anyway, I apologize profusely to anyone I may have infected. I blame my co-worker who came to work very sick about a week before I came down with the cold. She will pay. Do not worry. She. Will. Pay.

Good things DID come of the disgusting cold, however, as Andy and I played tons and tons of Katamari Damacy. Maybe one of the best and most original games ever. It's a single player game in which you roll a sticky ball around. Wait for it. The sticky ball picks up things. You start very small, picking up thumbtacks and paperclips, chocolate chips, etc. The more things you pick up, the bigger you get, the bigger the things you can pick up. So you move on to shoes, buckets, dogs, people, flowers, fences, cars, people, apartment buildings, islands, clouds, GIANT SQUID. It is so awesome. I tried to upload a picture of a katamari, but blogspot is being a douche. later, if you're lucky.

apologies for the lack of posting. it's a combo of non-interesting things and my complete lack of time during the day.

meow, do i look like a cat to you?

Hello Friends.

my what a weekend it has been. for full coverage of our 36-hour bender and soccer game, replete with pictures, i would direct you to sheena or josh's blogs. i don't have the pictures, the patience, or the talent to regale you with all of our adventures. i WILL give you a quick recap, as i have stayed home sick today and have a little time!

Friday night: sheena and i trekked to Whole Foods, bought eight pounds of Maine mussels, and tried very hard to get them home alive. as she has noted, the train was crowded and running local. lame. we all felt like a can of caviar. we made it after all and had a lovely picnic in our living room with josh, his new roomate katrin, lara, and seth. sheena made some delicious stuffed brie and we all feasted. Then we decided that, considering lara and katrin (a lovely german girl) were in america, we should do something decidedly american. so we took them bowling, of course. both of them bowled very well - apparently the boys all individually sidled up to lara, giving her discrete bowling advice. it was only the first line of boys to try to talk to lara this weekend.

saturday: the decision was made, some where in the fourth bucket of rocks on friday night, that we should all go to the brooklyn brewery on saturday, do the tour, hang out in the tasting room and get food. sheena and lara and i also decided we should go to the aquarium before that. needless to say, the aquarium fell by the wayside. but we DID make it to the brewery. we met up with andy and the gang, went on the tour (which consists of standing in a room listening to a guy talk about beer) and then ordered dinner delivered to the tasting room. it was prety good.

after the brewery, we stopped at beacon's closet and i bought a new umbrella. it's clear and dome-like and super awesome. then we headed to mugs for more drinks. (i had a coke, thanks very much, my drinking for the day ended at 3pm). from mugs we went to an art opening for a group called Build. Seth knew the DJ, and we ran into two of our friends from saturday ladies' soccer. after standing on the corner avoiding hipsters for a few hours, we headed to another party, this time in Greenpoint. Lara's friend, Tim, had invited us to a birthday party in a huge crazy warehouse-like artists apt. it was pretty cool, but after such a long adventure i was ready to go home. so we left lara to fend for herself with her friends and the rest of us took a car to.... another bar! well, i took a cab home, but the more intrepid folks went to magnetic fields and rounded out the evening with a trip to the chip shop. good choice.

Sunday: (oh, it's not over yet, guys) we rallied the troops and headed up to the city college field to play the last game of Castle Greyskull FC's metrosoccer career. as only two members of the rival team showed up, we won by default. Vlad, our very favorite ref, agreed to ref a scrimmage of ourselves against... ourselves. it was a victorious victory, and at the same time a crushing defeat. we all played exceptionally well, if i do say so myself. and we rounded out the day with a lovely pizza meal and xmenIII. which was entertaining, if slightly disappointing and preachy.

All in all it was a lovely weekend, and I'm so glad that everyone got to meet Lara. We're heading to the patio at Commonwealth tonight at around ten-ish if anyone is interested in bidding Lara a fond farewell - she heads out to DC via Baltimore tomorrow, and then goes back to Wales.

picasa is the suck

So, on Monday night I uploaded all of my pictures from my weekend in j.crew land, in the county of abercrombie. Where was I, you ask? At Middlebury!

My little sister graduated from Middlebury College on Sunday. Congratulations!!

I don't know how many of you have ever visited Middlebury College, but it is for prepsters what Williamsburg was for hipsters about a year ago (before the douchey frat boys arrived). One of my sister's roomates' boyfriend arrived at the BBQ wearing nantucket red shorts, flip flops, and a polo shirt with a popped collar. a-mazing. Needless to say, I'm pretty well prepstered out.

They DID teach me how to play Beirut and my sister and I took on her friend (and her siblings) while both sets of parents watched and cheered. Surreal, yes? Later in the evening, my sister took me to a scary keg party (where I ended up vomiting behind the modular housing unit - not alcohol related, but no one will believe me). I met about a billion boys who look pretty much the same, and about a thousand girls wearing tiffany necklaces. Every single person I met was incredibly nice and personable. and they're all pretty smart too. All in all, an enjoyable weekend.
Congratulations to Ali again - she graduated with high honors, suma cum laude, and got the American Civilization Department prize (for highest GPA and most improved) and got a buttload in prize money. Now she can buy me the pony I've always wanted.

Anyway, I tried to post pictures of this BBQ on Monday night, but Picasa had an aneurism and it didn't work. I will try to post a picture or two later.

cupcake, this one's for you.

as requested,

i have tried to illustrate what i think i might find in the stall of the bathroom. i've taken some artistic liscence. our toilets don't look like that. they're more industrial. but then there'd be nothing for the little guy to stand on.

is there a leprochaun hiding in there?

So, the bathroom that we use at work is not actually located within our office suite. It is, in fact, located next to two classrooms and, as a result, is constantly filled with Barnard girls and is really gross.

In an effort to fight the gross, the janitor (a very nice man named Jose) uses copious amounts of airfreshener. This, in theory, is ok. No one likes a bad smell in the bathroom. I mean, it's usualy unavoidable, but you know, you can try. Unfortunately, Jose (or his supervisor probably) has consistently chosen "Bubble Gum" as the airfreshener flavor.

There is nothing worse than a bad bathroom smell. Unless it's a bad bathroom smell mixed with Bubble Yum mixed with strawberry lip balm. It also has the added benefit of making me feel (every single time I enter the bathroom) like someone is hiding in one of the stalls, furiously chewing bubblegum and blowing silent bubbles.

It's just a funny mental image. I'm pretty sure it's one of the wee folk.

"there has been talk of you helping out with these studies. you will NOT have to. I PROMISE"

That is what one of my bosses said to me about a month ago regarding our two Hepatitis-C studies, one involving an antidepressant double blind placebo study (i just turned you on hardcore, huh?) and one involving two MRIs, two PET scans, and about a million man hours per subject.

so guess what today's meeting was about? ME TAKING OVER THE FUCKING STUDIES.

I mean, I know that one of my other studies is ending Friday, but I still have three-four other studies to do, I'm still pretty damned busy every day. Sheena will vouch for that, as I never have enough time to chat with her on the g-chat.

Oh, Hepatitis-C you have ruined me. RUINED ME!

Ok, that's it. I just needed to vent a little. Also to let you know, oh loyal five readers, that my posting might fall along the wayside. stick with me. dealing with hep-c subjects is sure to yield many many hilarious stories of disease and hijinks.

some gems from my C train conductor this morning...

"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. We promise. It will never. happen. again."

"For those of you running a few minutes late, let me give you some information in case your supervisors demand it. There was a delayed C train at Utica. You can tell your supervisors that it was the 8:04 C Utica train."

"Attention Ladies and Gentlemen, this is no longer the K train. This is the C train. This train no longer goes to the Bronx. To get to the Bronx, you have to take the D train."

"Make no mistake. No buts. This. Is. Your. D Train."

"Some of you might not know what I was talking about earlier. They used to have double letter trains, the AA and the CC. Then they got rid of the AA and called it the K. It used to go from 168th to the Bronx. That's what I was talking about."

"And, as always, when you smile, the whole world smiles with you"

"I have one of them who cleans my house, a Polish lady."

The above wasn't overheard so much as one of my volunteers said it to me. We were discussing the transformation of our country into a bunch of crazy xenophobes (of which this volunteer obviously is because she said she thought we had "to do something to stop them from swarming over the border"). She (an upper-middle class Long Island middle-aged lady) said that she had a Polish lady who cleaned her house, and who was having trouble getting citizenship "because of those people". So..... the Polish cleaning lady has more of a right to citizenship than "them" because she's white? Oh man, I have to work with this woman.

Anyway, I was reading the NYTimes today and I saw that the Senate has voted to make English the national language. I feel like America is turning into volkisch Germany. We've got fences, an "assimilation statement". come on.

"Under the Inhofe proposal, the federal government is directed to "preserve and enhance the role of English as the national language of the United States of America." It does not go as far as proposals to designate English the nation's official language, which would require all government publications and business to be in English.

Instead, it says government services and publications now offered in other languages would be unaffected. But the proposal declares that no one has "a right, entitlement or claim to have the government of the United States or any of its officials or representatives act, communicate, perform or provide services or provide materials in any language other than English."

Isn't the joy of America it's diversity? what about the melting pot? what about "bring me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses?" Let us remember that the vast majority of Americans are descended from people who came here looking for new opportunities, probably not legally. I'm pretty sure that people who don't speak English understand that most of the country does. And I do not think that offering signs, governmental forms, etc. in languages other than English in any way diminishes the fact that English is the most commonly spoken language.

I think it helps people. Isn't that what the governemnt is supposed to do? help people? I don't think you can force people to learn English. Those who can probably will, those who can't are not going to be allowed to be citizens? That hurts me.

I know this is a hot topic, and that many people disagree with me, but it makes me a little sick to my stomach. I'm in the middle of a book about the revolutions in Germany that led to the Nazi era, and I'm feeling a sense of deja vu reading today's paper.

"douchebags usually travel in packs"

ok. so i didn't overhear this blog title. or, rather, i overheard myself thinking it. today, during my commute home.

for those of you who are not familiar with my life, i have a pretty long commute. i live in park slope and work at columbia presbyterian hospital, which is up at 168th street. so, i spend a good two and a half hours on the train every day. sometimes i read. sometimes i sleep. usually, on my way home, i knit. because after eight hours of staring at a computer and dealing with idiots, i can't really focus my eyes.

TODAY, i left work on time (which is pretty rare) and got on my beloved A train up at 168th and broadway. usually i can find a seat right away, but today the platform was pretty crowded so i ended up standing with my back to the doors. this was fine by me because i could start knitting and scope out a seat. so we get to 145, people get off the train, and the seats are immediately taken. fine. 125. same story. getting a little annoyed (and footsore). 59th, finally a seat opens up. i see it, make a beeline and, what's this? an overweight lady waltzes onto the train and swoops in. (much like the time in seinfeld when george's parking spot is stolen).

so, of course, i stand there with my mouth hanging open, knitting in hand, and douchebag-ess pulls out her friggin nymetro and starts reading. ok. here's the thing. i am a good person. i appreciate that i am an able-bodied twenty-something (sorry about the hyphens, sheena). seriously, i probably would have given you the seat if you asked, overweight lady. you're carrying around a lot of baggage and your heart is probably tired. i would have stood up for you. BUT YOU STOLE MY SEAT. so now i hate you with all of my soul.

i ended up not getting a seat for the entire commute. even the F train bit.

while i was fuming (and knitting), some douchey lady came onto the train wearing a total douchebag baseball cap so jauntily that it actually covered part of her right eye. i mean, come on. you look in the mirror and think, "sweet! the hat covers my eye! that looks ace! now let me carry my stack of cardboard boxes around the subway, pushing people out of the way and making an ass of myself!"

i drew a picture of that lady. here it is.

lady, you are a tool. not as much of a tool as the lady who stole my seat, but still. there's a continuum and you're pretty far to the tool side.

UPDATE: this morning, after having two (2) seats stolen literally out from under my ass, a very nice man in a pink shirt and blue tie gave me his seat. thank you, nice man. you saved my morning. you're my favorite.

"I would pay a hooker money just to scratch my back"

I've decided that, as much as possible, my blog titles will be things I overhear. The above title was overheard whilst in line for the loo at Vol de Nuit (beer garden in the village). There was a couple sitting to the side of the line; the guy said that his back was itchy, then said he'd hire a hooker to scratch it for him. to which the girlfriend replied, "what does that say about me?" Good question, lame girl. Good question.

Saturday I spent the day perusing Just Kids Nostalgia (a collectables shop that also has records and cds), which was pretty awesome. I found the soundtrack to the Battlefield Earth BOOK. COMPOSED BY L.RON.HUBBARD.

I want to be clear about this. It is the soundtrack to the BOOK. not the movie. and inside there are descriptions of all of the "songs" and the "religion". pretty awesome. If I had a record player I would have bought it.

All in all it was a nice day in Huntington with the Farrells. I helped with the table of complimentary snacks. and ate too much costco brand guacamole. it was tasty.

Sunday, not to rock the boat, Castle Greyskull FC (after an early lead that really pissed the other team off) lost again to FC Hammer. Drew got into a row with one of the girls who took offense to the fact that he was playing soccer like he meant it. Apparently, guys on other teams can beat the Greyskull girls up (like the soccer ball that Insha took to the nose yesterday) but the minute we're in the lead, our guys are bullies. go figure.

Don't worry, Drew didn't beat anyone up, and we lost the lead after the first half and ended the game down 3-1. Par for the course, really. I think we played pretty well. Will scored in the first half, and we had some seriously solid defense. Our downfall, you see, was this kid, Jamie, who is not in the league and doesn't know anyone on any of the teams. He was hanging out at the field asking if he could join a game. When Marty confronted the other team about their obvious ringer (he had also asked us if he could play and we told him no because we're good people and don't hate freedom), they said, "no, he's on the team." liars. lying liars of lies. We could have beat them if not for that kid. he had happy feet. Oh well. As I told Seth, we wouldn't want to ruin our streak anyway.

"sorry, i was barfing; i didn't hear you."

Last night was baseball night, as sheena has described in far better detail than i have the patience for.

the quote in this post's title was overheard, by me, in the ladies room at yankee stadium some time in the bottom of the sixth. i thought it was pretty awesome. mostly because the girl was so matter of fact about it. no embarrassment, no fishing for empathy. nope. she was barfing. she didn't hear the other girl. no big deal. these yankee fans are insane.

as sheena has said, it was the best baseball game i've ever attended, and one of the most exciting games i've seen. very close, low scoring, the win up in the air pretty much the whole game. Hideki's horrific injury was very sad. mostly because it means that his streak of consecutive games is over. he has played in 518 consecutive MLB games (1,720 if you include his Japanese League games). Can you imagine? i can't go three weeks at work without taking at least a few hours off work. jeez. this guy is a manimal.

sorry, hideki. i hope the wrist heals quickly. Columbia-Pres is a good hospital. and i used to work next to the orthopaedic surgery wing - they're nice guys over there. always helped me when i was carrying boxes. good kids. if you want to grab lunch or something, i could show you around the neighborhood. there's a really good chinese place down the block. for serious.

anyway, a happy early birthday to sheena and Go You Redsox.