Sunday, December 31, 2006

the gang of idiots: together again




I've spent the last week in Los Angeles with the family, friends from high school, and seth. Much driving was done, much fun was had, many burgers were eaten. Also, I made my first batch of latkes solo (with jacks and cathy helping, of course).

Now Sheena and Toby have both returned to Brooklyn from not-new-york, and the family is back together again. As I type, the boys are playing perfect dark. It's like freshman year of college all over again.

Needless to say, having everyone together is maybe the best thing, and I can't think of a better way to watch the year change than with the whole gang of idiots.

If anyone reads this before tonight, come to our new years party! bring friends, champagne, and dress fancy. It'll be awesome.

call for directions.

Monday, December 18, 2006

also, i really like this cover

Ian alerted me to this cover of Paul Simon's Graceland by Casiotone for the Painfully Alone.

I liked it fine the first time, and every time I listen I like it more and more.

click here for the song.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

ba-cawk!!


so this is the chicken car. it usually lives on lincoln, in santa monica. every time we pass the car, my family will cluck very loudly. we've been saying hello to the chicken car for as long as i can remember. sometimes the car disappears for a few months, and when it reappears it's very exciting.

i just saw the chicken car in a commercial! it's like seeing a friend on tv. congratulations, chicken car!!!

Friday, December 15, 2006

once upon a time there was a temple....


Happy First Night of Chanukah!!

As I have neither the time nor the talent to tell the story better than Josh, click here for Josh's explanation of the holiday. It's good fun. Jelly donuts, gambling, and drinking. What more could you want from a holiday? not much, I warrent.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

it's that time again....


HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Variety IS the spice of life, after all.

So I just returned from our bathroom with some disturbing news.
Some of you may have followed the journey of the leprochaun through his various permutations.
From bubblegum chewing to feces smearing. it was a sad time for the leprochaun.









Well, now it seems that the leprochaun has gotten a hold of that gross lip balm we used to use? you know, the kind that smelled like cherries so you'd put a lot on, but then it'd taste like wax? anyone?

well, regardless, the leprochaun has not given up his feces smearing, but he has started to wear lip balm. Maybe in an attempt to cover up the smell?

umm, leprochaun? it isn't working. Here's what it smells like now:
You see the lip balm? it's cherry flavor, and he seems to be trying to eat it. not the smartest leprochaun, is he?







Tuesday, December 12, 2006

yeah yeah yeah, i'm doing it already

so i know i haven't posted anything in quite some time.

i was trying to put a picture of my cousin rory from halloween up there, but blogger didn't like the photo, so i gave up. also, i'm inspired by josh and toby to revamp my blog. but then i realized i didn't have the time or remember what the hell to do to make sure all of my fancy customizations remained. so i gave up. i'm noticing a trend of giving up here.

luckily, i didn't give up applying to graduate school, and my applications are officially in. not quite done, but i'm assuming the schools will gather all of my materials eventually. word of warning: if you're going to apply to school, gather all of your materials (recommendations, transcripts, etc) yourself and mail them all together to the schools. don't trust them to be able to sift through the mountains of mail and gather your materials themselves. it. just. won't. happen. and then you'll have many mini heart attacks and, take it from me, those are not fun.

So i leave you with a "huzzah!" and a picture of rory. for celebratory purposes, of course.

blogger's not showing the photo, so i'm not sure it'll show up. sorry. if it doesn't, it's way cute. he's dressed as a puppydog.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

super saver shipping takes how long?

so I may have made a terrible mistake.

our apartment is very (very) very cold. in addition to that, I have no form of heating device in my bedroom. no steam pipe. no radiator. so I rely on ambient heat from the rest of the apartment to make sure my room is above 31 degrees at night. I know that, after talking to people who live in the apartment, people who used to live in the apartment, etc., that I should have bought a space heater right when I moved in. But I thought I was stronger than that. I was wrong.

Night before last was the first really cold night we had, and I wrapped myself in huge wool socks, flannel pants, and a hooded sweatshirt (hood pulled up over my head). I stopped myself from wearing gloves. Didn't work. But you can imagine me, my need for the air around my head to not be warm keeping my face exposed. My icicle nose inspiring me to cover my face, which leads to the hyperventilation and panic attacks. Awesome.

Last night was only slightly better, as I piled blankets on the bed and put a pillow over the window to block out as much cold air as I could.

Yesterday at work I bought a space heater. But, bargain shopper that I am, opted for the "super saver shipping" without thinking about how long that would take.

Estimated time of arrival? December 18. Yeeeeeaaaahhhh. I'm going to invest in a wood pile.

**Update** because I am an idiot, I needed Kathleen to scream at me: "why don't you just cancel the order and buy a heater on your way home, r-tard?" Which I did. and I will. Thanks, Kathleen.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

what a way to start the morning.

as I was walking to the subway this morning, I saw a really cute red-headed kid being pushed in a stroller. I looked at him. He looked at me. I smiled, as he was really cute. Then, as he came closer, he struck out his hand (in the manner of the Trump firing someone) and screamed out "NO!".

yup.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

adventures in taxation without representation

here, in no particular order, are some pictures from the weekend.


This is me beginning my Thanksgiving meal (the first real turkey dinner in about 13 years). Notice the anticipation on my face. I had no idea what a big turkey dinner feels like.




And this, of course, is me after the meal. Can you see the food leaking out my eyes? It's there, I'm pretty sure. Luckily Spiderman 2 was on, so we watched it (whilst my cousins screamed "gross, disgusting!" at the kissing scenes which, in my humble opinion, are pretty tame for movie standards. But that's just me.)



My parents standing outside the building where they met.
(insert barfing noise here)


And this is the thing de la resistance - my dad flipping the white house off. He was really excited about this. We actually had to take the picture twice - the first time he was wearing gloves and it didn't come out so well. There was a cop car parked right behind me, watching us take the picture. Thank goodness for freedom of speech, eh? right?
you have to really want to see the flipping off as it's slightly obscured by the umbrella.

Monday, November 27, 2006

"justin will love this: did you hear what they're doing at Notre Dame?"

Before I recount the amazing snippets of conversation at the Smithsonian Information Castle (and cafe), I would like you to ponder the title of this post. Think to yourselves: what could they possibly be doing at Notre Dame that Justin would love? Let me describe the scene to you: Christmas tree decorated with faux orchids (very nice). Man #1 is a fifty-something white dude with a sweet mullet. He is speaking to two friends, one of whom is Justin. I think. (capitalization mine, to show my incredulity)

Dude: So did you hear what they're doing at Notre Dame? Justin's gonna love this. JUSTIN!!
Justin: yeah?
Dude: So did you hear what they're doing at Notre Dame? They're spraying FOX URINE on the students' Christmas trees to discourage them bringing the trees to school.
Justin: mumble mumble mumble
Dude: FOX URINE! they're spraying the trees when the kids bring them in!
Justin: mumble mumble mumble
Dude: I mean, I don't see them SPRAYING THE KNEES OF STUDENTS WHEN THEY'RE PRAYING TO ALLAH!

at this point, I ran away.
first of all, I don't think any school allows students to bring in real trees because they're a, you know, fire hazard. We weren't allowed to light incense or a candle, so I'm pretty sure a Christmas tree was out of the question.
secondly, fox urine? really? how does one collect said fox urine? and why why why would a prestigious college/university bother to SPRAY FOX URINE ON CHRISTMAS TREES???
thirdly, I don't even have the words for that last statement. spray fox urine on the knees of students praying to allah? COME ON!

I have many more stories about my adventures in the wilds of D.C., but they'll have to wait until I can upload some pictures (highlights of which include my dad flipping off the white house, a prairie dog, and my sister holding up the washington monument)

Monday, November 20, 2006

no. sleep. till. brooklyn.


last weekend sheena came to visit us. it was super awesome fun time, but i haven't had a chance to upload any pictures, so you'll have to take my word for it.

i DO, however, have a prom-style picture of myself and seth pre-opera. here you go. for your viewing pleasure.

On monday, sheena and I visited the Russian and Turkish Baths (which are absolutely awesome) and finally had the Platza treatment. The Platza involves being beaten (by a very bossy Russian man of Mongolian descent) with olive oil soaked oak branches in the hottest room of the baths (basically a large stone oven). It was slightly uncomfortable because of the being manhandled by this guy while everyone in the oven watched, but it felt so good I pretty much forgot that anyone else was in the room.

On Friday night erin had a beaujolais nouveau party, which josh has documented nicely. Much wine was drunk, things were thrown off roofs, beer was had afterwards. then, (very early) on saturday morning, Will and I made the drive to visit the Mohans again in New Boston. On the way there, we stopped at McDonalds (of course) and ate Big Mac Meals. Might have been a mistake. Might have been why we missed our road and ended up IN BOSTON. No matter, we made it to the Mohans with about five minutes to spare before show time. We went, nominally, to see Hayley perform as the Wicked Witch of the West in her school's version of Wizard of Oz. Hayley was awesome. The rest of the play was not, however, and we didn't even get the payoff of the big line at the end. instead, Dorothy said "I wish to be taken back to my Aunt Em" or some such bullshit. Also, they called the Emerald City "the city of emeralds". LAME. But, as I said, Hayley was wonderful - the only thing on stage with a pulse, as Sheena has said.

the rest of the weekend was nice and relaxing - dinner with the Mohans, poker with Sheena and Hayley, food, football, food, and cookies.

Last night Josh, Seth, and I went to see the Bond movie. I highly recommend it. It was super awesome. Daniel Craig is my new favorite Bond. Definitely.

Friday, November 10, 2006

oh happy day (oh happy day)


Today marks the triumphant return (for the weekend) of the lovely and beautiful Sheena to the shores of brooklyn. we are all very very (very) excited to see her. Josh has already posted some nice pictures of ms. sheena for everyone to enjoy, I just wanted to share my excitement.

My wife is coming back to me, people. even if it's only for a weekend. We're gonna party like it's 1999. which, if we're really doing it, isn't really all that much fun as far as I can remember. so, screw that. we're gonna party like it's three months ago (sweet!).

Also, on Saturday night, Seth and I are going to see Madama Butterfly at the Met. This is also super exciting because it's the newly redesigned and revamped version by anthony minghella. also, as far as I can tell, they don't use children for the childrens' parts. instead they use puppets. which may be terrifying. I'll let you know.

In conclusion, HURRAY FOR SHEENA!!!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

never have I ever

Today is Election day. This is exciting for two reasons:
a) I have no work today.
b) I get to vote in New York for the first time.

which leads me to a problem. I've never voted using a lever thing. In California, we punch out the appropriate holes. It's very easy.

I'm nervous about the lever thing. God, I hope I don't vote for Pat Buchanan by accident.

UPDATE**** so the voting machine was broken. I had to use an emergency ballot. No lever for me this year. I'll have to wait until '08. Sorry, Pat. Maybe next time.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

this is for josh.

Josh wants someone to post something. somewhere. I have a sneaking suspicion he's trying not to do his reading. OK joshie, here you go.
My boss brought in her kid, Hudson, on Halloween. He's dressed as a Whosit (apparently this is the latest IT (and i don't mean ebay) toy for infants). he is a-dor-able.

I got to babysit and put him to sleep. luckily, he woke up every time I put him down. So I got to walk around carrying a baby all day. Needless to say, not a lot of work got done on Tuesday.

A few of us DID wear costumes for a little bit. There was a pony replete with giant paper machiere head, rosie (of course) the riveter, and i think a combo "rockstar" and charlie chaplin. i dont' know what was going on. he's bulgarian. i didn't ask questions. i'm sorry i don't have a picture of that one for you. it was... umm.... special.

now I'm trying to write something to inspire my boss and an old prof to write fantastic letters of recommendation. I've already tried bribes. apparently that's in poor taste.

wish me luck!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

the thing de la resistance

This weekend was a trifecta of fun: my dad was here visiting from LA, toby was here visiting from north toby, and AND it was halloween weekend. you can see more and better photos here and here, but above is a nice tableau of our saturday night. on the far left you'll see a mummy with an erection, next to him is meagan. she's nice. then there's ian as a monkey, me as rosie the riveter, and a pumpkin. the pumpkin was the life of the party, obviously.

On Friday night Dad, Toby, and Seth came to our soccer game - playing in the freezing rain sure was fun: i can only imagine how much fun it was to stand on the sidelines. Super fun, i'd imagine.

Saturday Dad and I went to the Dylan exhibit at the Morgan Library - the exhibit was pretty good - lots of listening booths and old guitars and yearbook entries and stuff, and the library itself is absolutely gorgeous. I highly recommend. Then we returned to brooklyn, had a nap, hopped in a rental car, and went to manhattan to buy a new tv. On the way to the best buy, I held the door open for Ryan Adams. pretty pretty pretty good.

Armed with our new tv (and aquarium dvd) we prepared for the evening's festivities. Costumes were worn, beer was imbibed, and then we went to the bigger party downstairs which, after a false start, turned out to be pretty fun. Sunday involved an early brunch and then an hours-long walk through prospect park. then I put dad on the A train, took a nap, saw Nightmare Before Christmas in 3-d, watched Lost, talked to Sheena until all hours of the night and went to bed. All in all a fantabulous weekend. Thanks, dad, for coming to visit!

pictures thanks to toby.

Monday, October 23, 2006

7-alarm vindaloo, or how i became a non-vegetarian

As some of you may know, I've given up my quasi vegetarian status and have gone back to eating all kinds of meat after about 13 years.

It has been an interesting journey. Will said I should document it here because it amused him so very much. So, will, this is for you:

I'll do a step by step, multi-post documentation of my fall back onto the meaty wagon.

I've been contemplating going back into the fold for a while, but made the decision to actually go for gold when, during the last service of yom kippur this year, i couldn't stop thinking about a big juicy hamburger. now, i know, after 24 hours of fasting you're guaranteed to be thinking about food but this was the first time in my 13 veggie years that i actually was fantasizing about meat. i took that as a sign.

the most interesting part of this conversion is the reaction i get from friends, family, and acquaintences. people fall into two camps: they're either really excited, or they're confused bordering on angry. and i'm getting tired of explaining why i decided to go back to eating meat (because i want to) and why i stopped in the first place (my aunt adopted us a cow, she was killed (the cow, not my aunt), i stopped eating beef. then mcdonalds had a commercial with an opera singing chicken and i stopped eating everything else). apparently i'm now more interested in the taste of food, than the provenance of said food.

next time, i'll discuss our trip to white castle and my first taste of lamb.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

strange moment of honesty?

so I heard on the radio this morning that g. bush actually admitted that the war in iraq was similar to the tet offensive and resulting years of the war in vietnam.

wait. i know this. you know this. everyone knows this. but bush knows this too?

he followed this up by pledging that our troops would stay there "as long as it takes".

riiiiiight.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

do you boys like me-xi-co???

This weekend marked the triumphant return of (some of the) extended gang of idiots to the wilds of New Hampshire. Below you will see (or would see if blogger weren't a douchebag) that the wild turkeys took over our previous camping site. So, instead of fighting back, Seth, Erin and I just had a sleepover in Sheena's room (with the three dogs AND the cat). (it was a pretty full room).

The mini-brigade set out after work on Friday and made excellent time (except for the last five miles of 84, which took us 40 minutes), getting to the Mohan homestead at about 12:30 (for a 5 1/2 hour trip. not too shabby). We were greeted by a be-pajama-ed Sheena, enjoyed a beer-chew, and passed out shortly thereafter.

Saturday we slept late, were made fun of by the Mohan parents for said sleeping late, and then went to the dump. At the dump we threw bottles at other bottles. It was awesome. Throwing things was follwed by a trip in the convertable to Portsmouth, to peep some leaves and drink some beer. Both of these things were done. Plus, we got to look like douchebag tourist leaf peepers in our convertable out for a weekend in the country. Doesn't get better than that. Whilst in the lovely town of Portsmouth, I ate some hamburger (man was that good. veggie burgers just don't compare) and Erin and I found that Crocs (the hideous huge clogs made of rubber of which I would show you a picture were blogger not a horse's butt) makes lovely little ballet flats. So we bought them. And Seth bought a jacket to keep him warm in Iceland. It has GPS rescue tek-mology, so we can find him in the avalanche. Oh, and we drank beer. Lots of beer. We started with a sampler, and moved on to our favorites. Erin and I liked the double Witt, Sheena enjoyed the Hopp Harvest, Seth had some Old Brown Dog. All of them were delicious.

Saturday night we headed to Harlow's, where Sheena works tending tables, and drank (you guessed it) more beer. Then we went to a weird quasi-college party upstairs from the bar. It was weird.

Sunday, Erin went to visit her sister in Boston, and Sheena, Seth, and I went apple picking, ice cream getting, and general lazy hanging out-ing. This was followed up by a wonderful massage from John (just me, not the rest of the kids), and a fantastic dinner chez Mohan, after which the plan was to party all night long with Hayley. What ACTUALLY happened was that we watched Supertroopers and were in bed by midnight.

I really, for the life of me, can't remember what we did on Monday. I do remember the day ended with a migraine (which was a crappy way to spend the last few hours with Sheena). Whatever it was, it was fun and relaxing. We were in the car heading back to the wilds of New York City by about 5 and were on the platform at the 125th street D stop by 10:30.

Some day I'll get some pictures up there. Someday.

All in all it was a fantastic trip, as always. The only thing missing was the fire pit and the rest of the idiots. Oh, and Sheena when we got back to Brooklyn.

Thank you Sheena (and Mohans) for another wonderful weekend. We'll be back in November to see Hayley play the Wicked Witch of the West in her high school musical.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

is this what you find at the end of a rainbow?

Some of you may remember this little guy. He is the personification of the smell in our office bathroom.

He's baaaaaack. The airfreshener has been replaced in the loo, and it's back to bubblegum for us. This time, however, it's bubblegum mixed with, ooh how do you say it again? oh, right. sewage.

So really the picture should look like this:



Also, we have a lot of Columbia classes in the rooms next to the bathroom (part of the cleanliness/smell issue). I'm sorry. Isn't Columbia supposed to be a "good school" with "smart students" who know how not to "piss all over the toilet seat"?

well, i guess they took that out of the curriculum. it's a shame. they could use a refresher course.

Monday, September 25, 2006

is that a skin ailment, or are you just happy to see me?

This morning, on the train, I saw a man with a beard that was shaved like this.

At first, I thought maybe he had leprosy, or mold, or something alien growing on his face.

Nope. I think this was supposed to be "ironic" facial hair. I mean, I'm all for the Hulk Hogan-esque beard, but it came up a little to high in the moustache region for that.

I hope you enjoy my rendition of the jackass on the train. Sorry I stared, dude. It was scary that early in the morning.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

life after marriage

Thus ends my first week in Brooklyn sans Sheena, avec three new roomates (all of whom are pretty awesome). Things are coming together - I finally bought a new hairdryer, put away all of my books, my food, my shoes, etc.

Here's my problem with the new situation (I mean, aside from the fact that Sheena is in idyllic new hampshire, of course): I feel like I've moved back into the dorms. Partly because I'm now living down the hall from Josh again, partly because I've moved into an apartment with three other people, and partly because Josh and Sarah are IN school. All weekend long I had a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that I had reading to do, or a paper to write. It was very weird.

The only thing missing from my college fantasy life is ACDC or similar. Because, as I've told Sheena when she complains about my eating habits: it's just not fun to cook for yourself. I'd prefer to snack all night long. Maybe when we get our new fridge I'll actually make real food?

Also, Sheena - if the hummus has olives IN it, does that count as TWO food groups??

Thursday, September 14, 2006

a hen in the forest is worth two in the hand?

Last night was an exciting evening.

It started with an impulse trip to the jeans store (i refuse to name the jeans store because it's embarassing, but they sell the only jeans that fit me. so there.) where i got a new pair of jeans (bringing the grand total of jeans to two (2)).

Then I met up with Seth and Chris and we headed down to The Tank to watch Deirdre's Sweden screening (Package Deals). The videos were all very good - one involved cutting off limbs and having sex with a face (that's the one i didn't love, but it was still entertaining), and there were lots of music videos by The Knife (awesome).

Then Seth and I headed down (sans my umbrella, but that's a different story) or up, to Aquagrill (a fine eatery featuring an awesome raw bar and good seafood). Here is Seth presiding over the remains of our oyster sampler. The dinner was fantastic, surpassed, of course, only by the company. Also, the sommelier was a fawning man with lots of jewelry - as you'd expect - who told us that the wine we ordered was very "minerial".

All of the oysters were fantastic - my favorites were the "widow's hole" (mostly for the name), the Totten Inlet, and the Coromandel (which were creamy and really good). Also good were the Kumomoto, which were smaller and less flavorfull than the large ones, but were still oceany and good. Apparently the chef liked the way in which we roll, because he sent out some salmon tar tar, and I had the yellowfin tuna (with crispy rice cakes that were AWESOME), and Seth had the truffle encrusted cod (very tasty with "hen of the forest" mushrooms. hen. of. the. forest.).

they were delicious.

we finished it up (sheena, we got it for you) with a lavendar-creme-brulee with an orange escence cookie thing. it was astounding. and also, of course, the chef sent out some amuse-bouches for us. because, again, he liked our style.

All in all, one of the best meals I've had in quite some time.

thanks, Seppo!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

it's a scary, scary place.

**Sheena, this is for you!**

I finally recovered my pictures from the data card that lived in my now-defunct camera, and was just scrolling through them. Some of you may be familiar with my friend over here. His name is "The Creature", and I made him when I was, ooooh, 10ish? maybe older. maybe I was 12 or 13. I can't remember. Mom? When was The Creature born?

Anyway, I made The Creature in art class. Our assignment was to create a hybrid animal. I may have gone a little over the top. To the best of my knowledge, this is what The Creature is made of:



Head of a Lemur
Body of an Ant
Front legs of a Chicken
Back legs of a Camel
Tail of a Rat
and covered in real and faux rabbit fur.



Also, we had to decide how our animals would procreate. You will be happy to know that The Creature procreates asexually - the knobs on his head pop off and become new creatures (much like in the Gremlins).


So, my family being what it is, the creature has made the rounds of the house - hiding under covers, hiding under pillows, driving my car, sitting on my parents' toilet. usually he makes his move late at night. His back leg fell off a few years ago - so IT has been making rounds independent of the rest of the body.


You'll notice in the picture that The Creature has accumulated some props - namely goggles (which i think are warrented, because you never know when you'll need to see something under water), and a St. Patrick's Day hat (which was a nice surprise for me when I came home last. I think The Creature might have a drinking habit).

Just wanted to give you all a glimpse into the Golden world. It's a scary place. Always be on alert - The Creature is out there.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

boy do i need a vacation from my vacation ending.

yes, yes, my friends. please remind me not to come back from vacation.

i just had the most wonderful week and a half away from the real world, and it makes it hard to come back to the land of subways and work.

my first stop was LA, where my sister and I threw my parents a 30th anniversary party, then I had two migraines. Awesome. After a week of hiking, eating, hiking, cooking, eating, sleeping, eating, and watching ultraviolet with Jackie, I headed east to New Hampshire by way of a red-eye to boston. Arriving in Nashua, New Hampshire, at the home of Sheena's Memere, I was plied with coffee and english muffins, and collected by part of the idiot brigade.

The weekend that followed was amazing. I have no pictures, as my camera died in Santa Barbara, but rest assured, there will be pictures. most probably here, here, and here.

there was a fire pit with a fire, a tent, a half-man-half-pig-dog, a very small dog, other larger dogs, six people who make me very happy, sheena's family, chickens, donkeys, a hula hoop, cards, beer, eggs... you get the picture.

Anyway, after returning from said utopia, I find myself drowning in work (not to mention the fact that i have to go home now and pack up my apartment to move this weekend) so I don't really have the time to do this vacation justice. I will try to do bits and pieces.

I will leave you with this - I would like to live in the country.

that is all.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

honey, pluto has gone to a better place.

i'm sorry to announce that pluto has been demoted. it is no longer a planet. of course, i will always think of it as a planet and there's nothing the world astronomical union of jerks can do about it.

the pluto is dead.
long live the pluto!!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

i heart pluto

So I just read an hilarious op-ed in the Times about Pluto and its fight to remain a planet. I'll cut and paste because it made me really happy. I haven't been following the planet-hysteria lately - i just thought they were trying to figure out if Sedna and Xena were planets too. I didn't know they were trying to oust Pluto. Anyway, here goes.

I ♥ Pluto

Published: August 23, 2006

Charlestown, Md.

MY love for our picked-on ninth planet is deeply, perhaps embarrassingly, personal.

I took my first public stand on Pluto’s taxonomical fate when I addressed the Forum on Outer Planetary Exploration in 2001 (don’t ask why a cartoonist was addressing astronomers — it’s a long story).

I informed the assembled scientists that, first of all, no way was I or anyone else about to un-memorize anything we’d already been forced to learn in elementary school. More important, I felt sure that, as former children, we all instinctively respected the principle: no do-overs.

Planets, like Supreme Court justices, are appointed for life, and you can’t blithely oust them no matter how eccentric, skewed or unqualified they may prove to be. If they could kick out Pluto, I warned, they could do it to anything, or anyone.

I admit: it’s a highly emotional issue and maybe I got carried away in the heat of debate.

Even I was a little abashed last week when the International Astronomical Union tried to protect Pluto’s status by proposing an absurdly broad definition of planethood that encompasses moons, asteroids and trans-Neptunian objects — in other words, pretty much any half-formed hunk of frozen crud that can pull itself together into a ball long enough to get photographed by the Hubble.

For longtime Pluto partisans, there was something almost punitive about this proposal: happy now?

I guess I always knew, in my heart, that Pluto didn’t “belong.” Pluto is idiosyncratic — neither a dull, domestic terrestrial planet nor a surly, vainglorious gas giant. It’s mostly ice. It’s smaller than our own Moon, and has an orbit so eccentric that it spends 20 years of its 248-year revolutionary period inside Neptune’s orbit. It’s tilted at a crazy 17-degree angle to the ecliptic, and its satellite, Charon, is so disproportionately large that it’s been called a double planet.

Pluto is what my old astronomy textbook rather judgmentally called a “deviant,” and I’ve always felt a little defensive on its behalf.

I’ve long regarded Saturn’s misty tantalizing moon Titan as the Homecoming Queen of the solar system, courted and fawned over, stringing us along with teasing glimpses under her atmosphere, while Pluto was more like the chubby Goth chick who wrote weird poems about dead birds and never talked to anybody. Still, I just can’t stand by and watch as the solar system’s Fat Girl gets pushed down into ever-more ignominious substrata of social ostracism.

All I really wanted was a little velvet-rope treatment for Pluto. I didn’t expect them to throw open the doors to all this Kuiper Belt riffraff.

It’s like that point when your party’s grown out of control and you look around and ask: Who are these people? Sedna? Xena? Ceres? Ceres is an asteroid, for God’s sake. Why not just make 1997 XF11 or Greenland or Harriet Meiers a planet?

And I am second to no one in my respect for Charon, but come on: it’s obviously Pluto’s moon.

Now they’re proposing to designate it a “large companion,” which sounds like the sort of euphemistic legal status the court might grant to Oliver Hardy and can’t be doing Charon’s self-esteem one bit of good. “Longtime companion” would have been more dignified and validating.

The solar system is a mess.

The situation this seems most similar to is the inextricably tangled social nightmare that is inviting people to your wedding. You truly want to invite your distant and eccentric but dear old friend Pluto, but this necessarily means inviting his horrible girlfriend, too, plus then maybe you’re obliged to invite all the other people you were both friends with in college, friends he’s still in contact with who will be offended if he’s invited and they’re not but who, frankly, are now boring people with whom you no longer have anything in common.

Some would suggest we just have to be harsh about this and not invite any of them, Pluto included. But these people are forgetting that we already sent Pluto an invitation, 76 years ago. Pluto has rented a tuxedo.

The astronomical union is to vote on Pluto tomorrow. But even as astronomers squabble, I remain confident that this whole wonky state of affairs will not be permanent. Eventually we’ll get it all sorted out.

For the record, I would accept a separate (but equal!) class of dwarves or planetoids, including Sedna and Xena. After all, the childhood mnemonic is easily amended: My Very Energetic Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas, Sans Xenophobia.

But what I really wish is that we’d just grandfather Pluto in and then close all the loopholes. Let’s do it, not for scientific reasons, but for sentimental ones.

As a friend of mine at NASA said, “It would prove our humanity to let Pluto stay in.” It would be like that moment when the doorman is about to escort you out of a private party where you don’t, arguably, belong, but then someone who knows you taps him on the shoulder and says, “Wait a minute, I know this guy. He’s O.K..”

Monday, August 21, 2006

top three things you do not want to find on your carpet first thing on a monday morning:

3. barf (of the cat variety)

2. a dead mouse (of the feivel variety)

1. a barfed up dead mouse


You will all be happy to know that I awoke to numero dos this morning. When I first saw it on the carpet, I thought it was a hairball. I squinted at it, and then moved on to the bathroom. Promptly forgot about it until about five minutes later, when I looked at it again and realized that it was a baby mouse.

Thankfully, there was no blood. Because I could NOT have handled that so early in the morning.

So one of our cats is a killer. I'm going to guess it's not Obie.

Friday, August 18, 2006

this has been a test of the emergency broadcast system. we now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

Hello. I'm trying to get back on this "blog" thing, but there has been a lot going on. We've been interviewing people at work to replace the many co-workers we've lost (may they rest in peace. or in medschool and on tour (Brazztree.com)), so I've been swamped trying to cram in all of THEIR work in addition to interviews and reading of applications.

Anyway, I just wanted to share some pictures of my cousin Rory, because it's been a while. There was talk of me finally meeting said cousin when I'm home next weekend, but they're going on vacation so I'm going to a friend's birthday party instead.












I've decided it is my mission whilst home to get all of my LA friends together so that they can be friends with each other. Mostly because my sister is now home with not a lot to do and my friends are good people and my sister is good people. so, you know, it makes sense.


here's a picture of ali. she's going to kill me. isn't she cute?!

Soooooo cute. Ali just graduated from college (Middlebury because she's smart too) and is now back at home for the summer, getting her legs, figuring out her next move. If only she didn't hate New York so much. Oh the adventures we'd have.

Friday, August 11, 2006

a day in the life

I believe that, because I haven't posted anything all week, I've lost the few loyal readers I had. Mom, Dad, come back to the blog. I'm sorry.

There's been many happenings that have kept me from, you know, narcissistically sharing my life with the unknown denizens of the internet. Mostly it's been the fact that Sheena has decided to move home to New Hampshire, and I've spent the last few weeks coming to terms with that. Some of you may know that Sheena and I were freshman year roomates in college. I still remember talking to her for the first time - I was sitting on my parents bed, my sister was staring at me expectantly, as Sheena and I figured out who would bring the stereo and who would bring the fridge (my stereo, her fridge). Toward the end of the conversation she said something was "wicked awesome". Now, growing up in Los Angeles, I had never ever in my life heard someone use that phrase. I hung up the phone in a daze, looked at my sister, and said "she said it was wicked awesome. is that a good thing?" Apparently it was, because we've been best friends ever since. And I'm not sure how I'll manage in the real world without her. Thankfully she has taught me many things - like how to properly mop a kitchen floor, clean a bathroom, and be married to someone. Ah my wife, how I will miss living with you. Check this girl out. Can you blame me for being too sad to post? I can't.


Luckily, I scored a room in Josh's apartment, and will move in next month. At least I will have the benefit of living with some of my other friends (a benefit that Sheena sadly does not share, although she gets to live with Hayley and the dude (scroll down to the video), so you know, it's not all bad). I'm sure I will document the process of throwing out half of my belongings so that I can fit in my new room. I will live an ascetic life. Yes. Also I will be going to IKEA soon. Anyone who wants to join is welcome.

Now I just have to learn to motivate myself to cook. Deliveries of meals will be appreciated. It's not that I can't cook - I can cook pretty well - it's just that Sheena can cook so much better than I can. But I digress.

This caught my eye this morning: A Corpse Flower is Blooming in the Botanical Gardens.

I feel like I read about this flower in A Series of Unfortunate Events or something. The flower smells like putrefying meat to attract very specific beetles and sweat bees. Talk about your awesome evolutionary tricks.

If only my nose were not as sensitive as it is (last night we took out the trash and a soy sauce marinade had leaked into the trash can. Faster than you can make a gagging noise, I had that trashcan filled with bleach and in the tub, filling with water. It's a gift, really), I would visit said flower. But, knowing myself and the fact that no one wants to accompany a friend to see a flower that smells like death, not to mention holding back my hair as I vomit all over said flower, I think I'll miss it this time. It's been 67 years since this flower bloomed in New York. I think I can wait another 67 years - by that time my nose probably won't work anymore. Also, it looks like a penis.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

where am i again?

this morning, on my way to work, i looked over and saw a nice young man (in a button up shirt and tie, no less) reading Locke's Two Treatises of Government. ok, a little weird, but maybe he's into political science? i look directly to his left and i see this young lady reading Hobbes' Leviathan. i'm sorry. am i at vassar? is everyone taking political theory all at once?

Just thought it was a little weird.

Also, i made it in to work without fainting or vomiting. very exciting. huzzah!!

in addition, I now have a place to move when sheena makes the pilgrimage home. no more vain apartment searches when i should be doing work! i will soon be living on prospect park west with the lovely josh, sarah, and deirdre. huzzah!! well, not really "huzzah" because it's still horrible that she's leaving, but a small "thank god" that i actually have a place to live that i can afford and keep my cats.

Friday, August 04, 2006

the world in which we live in.

Today, on my walk to the subway, I heard a mockingbird singing the song of a car alarm.

Monday, July 31, 2006

weekend of shock and awe, part II


More mis-adventures at the beer gardens. In this series, Andy was trying to capture the perfect mix of drunk and happy. I think, if you take the series as a whole, he succeeded. I leave you to judge for yourself.



This last one is my favorite. mostly because seth and i have similar expressions on our faces, and a little bit because of how uncomfortable sheena looks to be touching shoulders with me. excellent.

weekend of shock and awe. part I

This weekend was one of wonder and amazement. To the left you can see my cousins, Matthew and Daniel, a mere 14 rows behind home plate while we watched the Devil Rays kick the Yankees in the can. Man that was a great game. Below you will see my uncle Steve.
This is uncle steve. He looks just like my dad. Handsome devil, isn't he?

Saturday was also Sarah's birthday. Happy Birthday Sarah! Here she is, so happy at the Astoria Beer Gardens. After a lengthy subway ride and an even lengthier wait in the line (don't worry, i had a book to read), Andy and I got to join the gang of idiots (well, some of them, anyway) and drink my share of beer. Before our arrival, Seth had made his entrance with a box of Munchkins (as a birthday present, i presume) and was stopped by the security professional, Gold Tooth (I call him Gold Tooth because he had, you guessed it, a gold tooth. and was very much into his job). Gold Tooth told Seth he could NOT bring his munchkins in. So Seth, being a reasonable fellow, said, "ok, that's fine Gold Tooth, can I just leave the box here, behind this tree?" Gold Tooth was amenable, and Seth was allowed to enter. Now, Erin (of whom i have no pictures from this party, sorry) saw the aforementioned exchange and decided to go ninja and rescue said Munchkins. She pulled out all of her spy moves and successfully brought the munchkins to the table, after which they were eaten. The picture below was taken right after Gold Tooth walked by our table and saw the empty box of munchkins. I believe he asked Andy, "Who ate the fucking munchkins?" Andy demured. Seth looked on. Gold Tooth was hurt. Then I took a picture of him.

that might have been a mistake.

immediately he started yelling at me to erase the picture (which i did), and then proceeded to demand my camera so he could scroll through and make sure that i had, in fact erased the picture (way to go, Gold Tooth. you missed THIS one!).

Seth and Sheena (while intoxicated) thought this was hilarious.

Monday, July 24, 2006

well. thank god THAT's over.

As some of you may know, I'm gearing up to apply to grad school As such, I have been studying for the dreaded GRE test. Then, last week, I decided I just. couldn't. take. it. anymore. So I took the GRE test on Saturday. Huzzah!

So, after a few days freaking out, and I apologize to everyone for whatever pain I put you through, I bit the bullet and took the test. Thank you, ETS, for showing me my score immediately upon completing the test. Now I know that I never have to take an ETS test again. Praise the lord.

And now I can go back to doing important things on the subway. Like reading and sleeping. Without feeling guilty. The question remains: who wants to write my personal statement for me?

no, no. don't everyone jump up at once.

The picture is of my cousin, Rory, because he's also really excited that my GRE adventure is over. Thanks, Stacy, for the pic.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

dad, you have to return the ferarri

so, surprisingly, we did not win the lotto. someone did, though. congratulations, someone.

if you email me, i'll give you my address and you can send me a check. i know you want to share your good fortune.

Monday, July 17, 2006

jesus my leg hurts * *

The Goldens came. The Goldens changed a tire. The Goldens left. Let's have a recap, shall we? (warning to those with heart conditions or who may be pregnant or who may become pregnant whilst reading this post. it is very long. take a deep breath, drink some water. power through it)

This weekend my parents came to visit, huzzah!!

Friday i left work early to meet them at their super cool modern(e) (with an e because it's so so super modern it's totally french). Hotel on Rivington (also home to super hot hotspot Thor. i mean, come on. thor?)

Sooooo, anyway. I met them at their hotel and then we treked up to Madison Square Park to partake of the Shake Shack (thanks to sheena and seth for waiting in line for 25 minutes so we could cut. it was awesome) and had a lovely lunch. Then we went back to the hotel and took a two (2) hour nap, obviously. Then we had a nice dinner at Mesa Grill - i had the chile relleno, which was nice, but a bit overpriced. Dad didn't like the level of noise (high), Andy and Dad didn't like the wait for the check at the end of the meal (long). All in all, a nice time was had by all. Then, Andy and i went down to the Angelica and watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit (which, by the way, was/is the scariest movie i have and will ever see). I am proud to say that I did NOT run out of the theater screaming during the last scene, and I kept my eyes open the whole time. Even when Christopher Lloyd is all springy and screamy with the red eyes.

Saturday, we took a walk around the lower east side to see where my grandpa (Sambo) grew up (apparently he was a bowery boy and smoked and chewed tobacco at the age of 5 and worked for the mob etc.). We went to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and walked around the rose garden. Some time during this walk I strained a muscle in my shin (didn't really know we had muscles in our shins). Then we had an AWESOME game of pick-up soccer in the park. There were heroics, there were falls, I scored two (2) goals, Robbie scored like eleven. Mom and Dad and Deirdre and Joy watched from the sidelines and cheered us on. I, meanwhile, injure my leg more and realize that I can't hike the Mohonk Reserve (as we have been planning for the past month) because I can't comfortably (or uncomfortably for that matter) walk down the street.

Sunday was the longest day ever. I might need an entirely new post to talk about it, because there are pictures to go with it and they are not available to me right now. I will do a quick recap. In bullet-point format.
  • met parents for breakfast at 9
  • picked up rental car at east 12th street at 10
  • turned onto the westside highway at 10:30
  • realized the westside highway was closed at 11 (at 44th street)
  • got over to central park west at 11:15
  • realized there was a triathalon so central park west was a parking lot and we couldn't cross the park at 11:30
  • finally got out of the city at 12
  • drove over some road debree on the Deegan at 12:20
  • changed the flat tire in Historical Yorktown Heights at 12:30
  • made our way to Mt. Eden cemetary to visit Grandma at 1:15 (then tried to yell at someone about the state of the plot, but there was no one in the office)
  • drove through Poughkeepsie trying to find a dollar store from which to buy towels
  • turned the wrong way down a three lane highway trying to cross the bridge, promptly pulled a u-turn.
  • got across the bridge heading to New Paltz (trying to find the lake at the Mohonk Preserve)
  • see a sign for the mega-millions jackpot ($849 million), and decide that, with our luck, we must buy a ticket, or twenty.
  • stop at Shoprite, RiteAid, Super Stop-n-Shop to find towels. unsuccessful.
  • arrive at the Mohonk Preserve at 2:30, eat a picnic lunch on the bench, discover that the lake is not at the Mohonk Preserve, but is a 10 minute drive away.
  • make the 10 minute drive. find the lake (12 feet x 14 feet) and the 400 people who have found said lake before us.
  • leave lake to see the Mohonk Mountain House (another fifteen minute drive off the highway).
  • get to carriage house, get turned away from Mohonk Mountain House at 5:15 (I'm convinced the guy saw we were driving on a donut tire and decided we were undesirables).
  • drive back through New Paltz, stop at the starbucks (for shame)
  • I leave my purse at said starbucks. I remember it. I answer three riddles in order to get it back.
  • We stop at a gas station and buy 10 quickpick lotto tickets at 6:46
  • We realize that the jackpot is actually only $49 million, and that the $849 was a typo.
  • Make it to White Plains, were we pick up a couple of boxes of plates and have to talk to the family that has been keeping them for me for the last two years. They have just come back from Aruba and apparently traded their skin in for tanned leather.
  • Finally head back to Brooklyn at 8:30
  • Pull up in front of the apartment at 9:30
  • Drive back to Manhattan at 9:35
  • Get to the rental car place at 10
  • Argue with the attendant about where to put the car, who needs to inventory the car, and the fact that we're still driving on a donut tire.
  • Finally get to Chat'n'chew for dinner at 10:35
  • Are told that the kitchen closed at 10:30.
  • Walk down the street the the Coffee Shop, eat, digest.
  • Get on the subway home.
The end.
* i stole this title from Josh * and from Sheena.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

sweet sassy molassy

ok. so scientists have designed a computer (and a brain implant) that allows people to control computers/tv/radio/robot/whatever you want with your mind. YOUR MIND.

full story here.

i'm simultaneously really excited and scared a lot.

**update** ok, andy, i think i fixed it. links are hard.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

h-e-l-p-!-!

help me!
my parents are coming on Friday night and I can't think of a place to eat for dinner.

Their hotel is on Rivington in the Lower East Side.
they refuse to give me a preference of cuisine. i am at a loss.

help!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

who wears short shorts?

this is a Public Service Announcement:

Nair is burn-y, smells like rotten eggs, and tarnishes silver.

Sheena wasn't home yesterday to tell me "no" so i bought some nair (because the girl on the commercial wears short shorts and looks so happy and her legs are smooth) and tried it. and today i'm wearing pants because i have some pretty awesome chemical burns on my legs.

Lesson learned. burn-y = bad.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

and how many hot dogs can YOU eat?

Oh how I love the four-day weekend! Friday, my boss surprised us by giving us Monday the third off in addition to Tuesday the fourth. Huzzah!! How did I spend my un-earned but very exciting day off, you may ask? Well, I spent three hours at the DMV getting a New York State drivers license, actually. It was pretty awesome.

Technically (according to Josh), you are supposed to get your license switched no more than 30 days after you move to a new state. I have been living in New York for three years now (if you don't count the four years of college, which I don't, as poughkeepsie is in a whole different country). So, I was pretty overdue. Now I just have to wait for my shiny new license to arrive in the mail.

Monday night saw a blow-out BBQ at chez Josh/Evonne/Deirdre/Katrin. This BBQ featured a Guac-Off (which yours truly won in a very tight race), a shotgunning contest (in which yours truly did not participate, but was splashed by from a distance), and very nice tofu hot dogs. Thanks, guys!

Tuesday, Seth and I rode our bikes (huzzah!!) to Coney Island to see the hot dog eating contest. Now i've done that once in my life, i never have to go back, right? Here's a picture of the winner.
Yeah, he ate pretty much 54 hot dogs (and buns) in 12 minutes, beating his own record of 53.5. The surprise was the guy who came in second place, Joey Chestnut, who went dog for dog with Kobayashi, even getting into the lead at about minute 6, but fell behind at the very end - finishing with a whopping 52 hot dogs. I could be wrong, but I think that's the closest anyone has come to Kobayashi in the last seven years he's won.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

oh sweet face analyzer, why do you hate me?

Thanks to Josh, I have been spending the last half hour (i should be on my way home now) playing with the Face Analyzer, which is tons of fun. The first photo I uploaded was my spider bite photo. here it is, in case the image has not been burned into your retina and does not haunt your dreams. or in case you're bridget and in need of a giggle.
Scary, right? So, according to this photo and FaceAnalyzer.com, I am 92% Southern European (wrong)
8% Middle Eastern (wrong)
and my celebrity look-alike is Kelly Hu, who was Deathstrike in X-2 and is, yes, Asian. Also, apparently I have a "very low gay factor". thanks for that, guys.
my character type is a "beta academic" and apparently i am uninterested in, and bad at, relationships and social interactions. instead, i want to make lots of money.


so the next photo i used was this one:
Slightly better, but still not ideal. this time, however, they got more of it right. Now they claim that i'm 70% middle eastern (wrong) and 30% eastern european (now you're on the right track!). BUT my celeb look-alike is now Ashley Simpson. ummmm. yeah. i still have a "very low gay factor" and am still bad at social interaction. and, yes, i still want to make lots of money. at least some things stay the same, right?

Thank you josh.

**update** links are now fixed. who's the noob now??

Monday, June 26, 2006

bye bye, bruno.

This is very sad. Bruno has passed on. Boys, I'm very sorry for your loss.

Apparently, Bruno's chicken-killing rampage made everyone a little nervous, and the Bavarian government gave hunters the green light to get rid of him.

I like that the headline refers to him as "Bruno the celebrity bear".



picture respectfully borrowed from www.brunnvalla.ch

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

mellow velo


So, I went to the auto repair place under our apartment and asked the nice man at the air pump to, you guessed it, pump up the volume AND pump up the jams. (although i didn't actually use those words. i wanted him to actually pump up the tires, not call me crazy and kick me out of the garage).

Anyway, he was very nice and proceeded to pump up both the volume and the jams. but BUT when he got to the jams he said, "this looks bad. i don't think it'll hold. it looks like dry rot". i told him to go right ahead and try, because what did i have to lose? it turns out, he was right. i totally popped my tyre. (see? because the bike is british???)

he was exceedingly apologetic, which i found amusing because i'm the one who told him to blow up the tyre. at least i didn't have to go far to find a bike pump. if anyone is looking, the auto repair place on 14th and 4th ave is very accommodating.